I Did the Unthinkable and Liked It

Last week was rough. I was really struggling. I cried for a few days, but on Thursday, I decided I needed to do something to take my mind off of things. I made an appointment at Bliss Spa at the W Hotel (my favorite place to go lately) to get a Brazilian wax and a Pedi-Colada pedicure. I was scared out of my mind to get the Brazilian. I have heard horror stories from women about the pain. For some crazy reason, I just had to have this procedure done. I had to prove to myself I was strong enough to endure it. If I could endure the Brazilian, I could conquer any obstacle. It's really idiotic to think that this wax had some significant meaning, I know. I needed something to pull me out of my funk.

So off to the spa I go on the same day as the Right to Life March on Washington. I am on the subway with all these people saying abortion is wrong and pictures of babies. All I could think of was, why are we all so obsessed with what goes in and out of a vagina?

For woman, we are used to it. We have lived with our vaginas since birth. We learned what it was for when we got older. Our vaginas can bring pleasure, pain and satisfaction. We go to the gyno every year to make sure our vaginas are healthy. We get our nether regions groomed for personal reasons or to be more presentable to the opposite or same sex. It's what we do.

Men, on the other hand, will do whatever it takes to get into our vaginas. I have heard the craziest pick up lines and have had the dumbest stuff said to me. One idiot, last Labor Day weekend, was with me at the same house party. He seemed nice enough. I met him through a mutual friend. I had seen him repeatedly. Usually he was an ass to me. I thought he hated me. Everyone had a couple of cocktails. He strikes up a conversation with me. He immediately tells me he wants to sleep with me. Now, I have never had a one night stand and at 33, I have no desire to ever have one. I would not want to see this guy for more than one date. I already know it's not going to happen, so I tell him, thanks but no thanks. He didn't take me seriously, and proceeded to tell me I want a guy like him because he's a freak. Now, I'm curious. The term 'freak' is thrown out there quite a bit. Every one says they are freaky now. It's the 'in' thing. I ask, like an idiot, what being a freak means. This man has the nerve to say that he will lick my asshole to which my immediate response was, "Why would you do that, and tell me you would do that?" Our conversation didn't last much longer. True to form, I went home alone and I have not seen or spoken to him since.

When I was Philly two weeks ago, I needed to eat some dinner. It was late. I just wanted to have a Cosmo and a burger. I went to Red Rooster in downtown Philly. I'm sitting at the bar minding my own business. I met some really nice people. This one young man, who was 23, decides he wants to be my special friend for the evening. As a woman who travels alone, men want to believe I want to hook up in every town I have to stop into. I have no idea why they think this, but they do. We are having normal conversation. He proceeds to tell me he can rock my world and have me calling his name. I tried to ignore him, but eventually he decided to get comfortable and rub his hand on my thigh. I didn't react, and he didn't know what else to do. Thankfully, he gave up before I had to break out the taser gun.

Bachelor #3 is the funniest story I have had in a long time. After my spa experience, which I will get back to shortly, I decided to meet a friend out for drinks. She's looking for a new man. I just wanted a couple of cocktails cause as you can see, I attract the wrong men. We go to Legal Seafoods at Gallery Place in Downtown DC. The bartenders were sweethearts. One kept calling me beautiful and gave me free drinks. Loved him! There were a group of people at the bar who come to this bar every single Friday for Happy Hour. They all either live in the same building or they work together and they have this routine. They were a fun bunch of guys and ladies. One guy told me that he wanted to get laid that night. Good for him. He can move to the next contestant. His friend was really nice until he said he was the perfect man. Once again, curious as always, I ask, "Why?" He said, and trust me, I can't make this stuff up, "Cause I have a 2 inch penis and a 50 mile an hour ass." I really didn't know how to respond to that. All I could do was laugh. What exactly am I supposed to say? Not really sure.

It will never cease to amaze me the things men will do just to get access or the promise of access to a vagina. They have no shame whatsoever. Absolutely amazing to me.

Back to my spa experience. I lay on the table with my bottom half of my body exposed to the world. God bless Shae. She is an amazing woman. She begins this process of waxing my nether regions like she was waxing my eyebrows. She could have cared less what it was. She applied the wax and off it went, and again, and again. Surprisingly, it really wasn't that unpleasant. I didn't shed a tear. I never screamed out. It was almost empowering. I won't sit here and say it was the comfortable experience I have ever had. It's quite personal. But I actually felt like I accomplished something. I overcame two of my biggest fears. I showed my goodies to someone besides my doctor and wasn't embarassed. I did something knowing it was going to be somewhat painful. I hate pain. I run from it. So for me to get this done knowing it was going to hurt was a huge feat for me.

The most important thing about the whole experience, I did it for me. I didn't do it for a boyfriend, a prospective lover, or some type of competition. I did it because I wanted to do something different with my life. I wanted to live edge just a little bit. And I absolutely loved doing something unexpected of myself. I am trying think of something else unexpected I can do. I could ask Big Sexy out. That's something unexpected and normally I would never do. It could be painful. He might say no. It's a strong possibility he could say no. We work together for God's sake. It could be awkward,  but maybe it will be rewarding too.

We will just have to see what happens. I have no idea when I will see him again since now we work in different offices. If I can just keep my fearless attitude a little bit longer.......

Oh by the way, the pedicure was awesome! It was so relaxing and sinful. It was icing on the cake for a wonderful day. The ruby red tulips I brought on my way home helped make a perfect weekend.

Kiwi